A few weeks ago, when my dear toddler finally began toddling, I decided it was time to buy her some shoes. We headed a few blocks away to The Children's Place and found a cute, discounted, gender-neutral pair of sneakers. DD was a little wobbly walking in them, but that seemed normal -- after all, with decades of walking experience in my own life, I still feel most comfortable maneuvering barefoot. Some practice on the sidewalk is helping her gain confidence but she still does much better holding my hand for balance (which, frankly, is ideal anyway, considering that we live on a busy city street...).But I never send DD to daycare in her shoes -- just socks. The facility is entirely indoors and shoes don't seem necessary. Besides, as stated above, she's much more stable without them. But daycare provider noticed the missing shoes, so I showed her DD's sneakers and explained my reasoning. She nodded along knowingly when I mentioned that DD has trouble walking in them, but instead of accepting my rationalization, suggested aloud:
"You know, these don't look like such a good first pair of shoes. The bottoms are very stiff and are obviously difficult for anyone to walk in. You should buy a pair of soft-soled shoes" (presumably something like the Robeez shoes we've seen friends wearing).
She repeated the suggested a week later, when DD arrived for another day of daycare in socks, and I half-lied and said that because DD had developed a phobia of her shoes, we weren't rushing to buy more. (Truth: she had exhibited full-blown terror for about a day, after her first shoe-clad playground visit. Terror thankfully subsided rapidly.)
But in reality, my issue is -- we're not planning to buy another pair of size 7 shoes. I'm content knowing that I'll choose a more appropriate size 8 when that time comes (as long as it's also on the clearance rack!). In the meanwhile, DD has shot through her infant and toddler wardrobes at lightning speed, and I'm in no mood to spend money on another item that will be obsolete within weeks. Also, if I don't buy new shoes, DD won't notice!! There are some physical necessities for which she'll complain loudly (food, diaper, her stuffed dog...) but this is not one. And why get in a habit of spoiling her, insisting that objects like soft-soled shoes are a "necessity", when their absence won't ever be noticed?
In truth, the shoes conversation didn't bother me that much... it was just the most recent in a string of similar conversations, and got me thinking. I get very defensive about my lack of buying "things" for my daughter -- people in our community, and possibly our society at large, tend to buy far more objects for their kids than we do. But we aim to live our lives in a frugal, meted manner and want to impart those values to our children. At this stage of her life, my daughter needs attention, affection, food, shelter... and not much else! Even in her playroom (/ bedroom / our living / dining room) which is full of second-hand toys and books, she prefers to play active games with her caretaker 95% of the time. And regardless of the type of protection on her feet, she indiscriminately loves toddling down the sidewalk, looking for dogs...
